Freedom in 2014

I say this often.......I haven't blogged in a while. Well today I am taking some time to blog and share. Some people do and don't like that I share so much but I am an open book. What you see is what you get. I am not a private person because I believe my blessings, my trials, my strengths and my weakness can help someone not feel so alone, feel that there is no perfect person except for Jesus and that I am real, imperfect, but still ready to take on a new day! So far this year I have taken some time to reevaluate my life. It has not been easy because for quite a few months I have felt defeated. Maybe some of my standards are set to high or maybe I needed to just breathe. I felt defeated because of:

1. Financial hardship: I have been home not working for three years now and they have been some of the best years for my marriage and my family ever but with this particular past year we have endured some heavy financial hardships that have been stressful for me. It has not put a damper on my marriage but actually made us grow closer to God and each other knowing that we are in it together. Money is not worth fighting over neither is debt. This subject is not easy to talk about for anyone. I had my home business that didn't work out for the best interest of my family and a one income household for three boys that eat us out of the house is not easy. But this year even if we don't get to go to Disneyland even once we will endure this trial walking together, we will pray with perseverance knowing God is in control and we will rehab and take baby steps to our financial freedom!

2. Motherhood: Being a mother is not a breeze, being a mother of twins with a total of three boys is never easy! Homeschooling on top of that is fireworks exploding in the brain status! Twins feed on off each other so correcting bad behavior is not easy. Communication has become easier recently with my twins because there words have become many. My boys go to speech because they had their own "twin" language so they have speech delay. Now you can have a conversation with them though at times it breaks my heart when I can't understand a word or we can't communicate correctly with each other. Those moments are hard. With this said sometimes I just don't feel I have been the best mom God created me to be. I think I yell too much , my patience is on level 2 (1-10), I feel the need for control, I am to laid back, I am too demanding and so on and so on. I can be critical all day about my motherly standards. This year I am going to take a step back, enjoy every smile and every laughter I hear, take some time with each of my boys one on one, I want to talk more yell less, I want to take a breathe and think before screaming like a monster, I am going to play more, laugh and smile more and I am going to gobble every moment up in my heart! Don't get me wrong I am not the worse mom but being the best mom is what I pray to be. Not of perfection but of love.  Is it easy to admit you love your kids, are active with them but still absent at times NO!!! Is it easy to admit that the mom monster comes out from time to times...NO!!! I do it because I am not perfect I am only human and God granted me to  permission to raise these beautiful boys and I will do it to the best of my ability!

3. Outside of me and Stress: Stress is a big factor in my life. Stress of Life in general is something I haven't prayed for that often. When I stress about anything I normally turn to food thus am a stress eater. It's an addiction just like any other, can be quite dangerous and it's not illegal!  With stress comes weight gain and no matter what anyone says, this is my battle and  this is how I deal! No one will have a solution to my problem, you may think you do but it's MY battle. Everyone has battles and some same as mine so....My solution? Prayer, Prayer, Prayer. I am not going to turn to food but I am going to turn to my God and pray with endurance! Do I like weight gain? NO! Do I like Stress? NO! I will have FREEDOM from both of these, why? Because God says .....In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. (Romans 8:37)

So those are three reasons out of a few I felt defeated.  God has really used the book of Galatians to speak to me this year. To reevaluate my life and really focus on Freedom! Focus on rehabbing me and taking baby steps to who he made me too be! A servant, a wife, a mother, and a friend!

I can babble on forever but God is already working in my life to overcome some of my defeats and every piece of FREEDOM I have in HIM makes me leap with joy!!!! Do I have goals in 2014 in place? Yes! but............ It really comes down to taking care of my mind, body and spirit!  

Today I feel don't feel defeated and am feeling great even though the day is just passing me by with the time change, I have laundry piled up, bills that need to be paid and I have naked kids running around but hey I don't feel defeated!!!! I got this! Like I said Galatians has been speaking to me and these verses are def. some of my favorite!Gal. 6:9-10 Join me in Freedom 2014!!!

P.s. I love through all our failures, faults, imperfections God continues to use us. This old song by Rev. Milton Brunson comes to mind, one of my favorites:
You gave me my hands, to reach out to man
To show him Your love and Your perfect plan
You gave me my ears, I can hear your voice so clear. I can hear the cries of sinners, but can I wipe away their tears.
 You gave my voice, to speak Your words
To sing all Your praises, to those who never heard. But with my eyes I see a need for more availability. I see hearts that have been broken, so many people to be free.

Chorus:
Lord, I'm available to you, my will I give to you
I 'll do what you say do, use me Lord.
To show someone the way and enable me to say. My storage is empty and I am available to you.

 Now I'm giving back to you, all the tools you gave to me.
My hands, my ears, my voice, my eyes, so You can use them as You please. I have emptied out my cup, so that You can fill it up.
Now I'm free, I just want to be more available to You!

Good, the bad and the ugly!

Well, well, well, look who decided to blog a bit today. I took a step back for awhile but as I cozy up in my bed with my kids I think this is a perfect time to blog without snoozing back to sleep. Christmas has arrived at our house and we have a new friend. Our elf on the shelf Flynn. Follow me on instagram @kimmirae98 to see what trouble Flynn gets in.

Today I want to blog about my kids. The good, the bad, the ugly!

Benjamin

Good: Great reader, great eater, great corrector when you say something incorrect be ready for Mr. Correction to catch you. Great fact learner of History. Great snuggle buddy, he has a loving heart to help people. Easy to make friends, this homeschooled kid has no socialization problems what so ever! Awesome help sometimes even with his brothers. Doesn't like to be hurt or see other hurt. Mom's night owl buddy, but Dad's hard worker buddy. Caring and loving and a heart of gold. Pure joy from this kid!

Bad: Shoves toys or clothes is places they don't belong. He pouts really good like a two year old. He stays up at night ready until he falls asleep which means he sleeps on the floor near the night light not his bed. Lies up the wazoo just to get us off his back. Example, "Did you pick up your room? " "Yes" ......thinking we won't check and than when we do he says "Okay I lied" GRRRRRR!

Ugly: Attitude just like mom had when she was that age. It sure does catch up with you. We are working on it though :) Also ugly when he forgets to take a shower or remind mom to cut his nails...gross more like it.

Improvement: Working together as a family, attitude and learning to tie his own shoes!


Caleb

Good: Great sleeper, Great eater, Loves the outdoors and doesn't mind playing solo while his other two brothers play together or fight together. Great cuddle buddy and great smile although you can hardly catch him in a picture smiling.

Bad: He is sneaky, He doesn't have a problem walking away and getting lost, he doesn't like to share, he cries and doesn't calm down very fast because he gets so frustrated. He is most likely to get in trouble first.

Ugly: His stubbornness, his pump on his head from heading the wall while rocking himself to sleep. (Pillows everywhere have been placed on his bed fyi) and wakes ups grumpy 75% of the time.

Improvements: Thumb sucking, sneaky side and using words more


Levi

Good: Such a loving brother, looks up to Ben, protects his brothers, joyful giggle, great artist and learner. He tries his best to be independent and is a team player. Wakes ups in an excellent mood.

Bad: Sharing and knowing that he can't do everything Big brother does. Patience too.


Ugly: Picking his nose and eating whatever comes out of it, sticky face and sticky hands.


Improvements: cleanliness, sharing and letting mom and dad hug more :)


So here is some of the good, the bad and the ugly for my kids!

Toodles for now!

My mom

So first off I would like to say thank you for your prayers. There are so many suffering, sick, but also many healthy and able to enjoy life so thank you for adding a prayer in for my family. My prayers were needed for my mom. Recently we had a cancer scare.

2011 beginning of my journey

Do you ever feel like I won't get that cancer because it doesn't run in my family or maybe you think you are invincible to cancer. You could be the thinker that says I know I am going to get that cancer my mom, grandma, uncle had it. Either way we never know what God has in store for our future.

I am sure my mom didn't think she was going to have Parkinson's disease years ago. It didn't affect her at the beginning but as years past I see my mom having trouble to function. My mom always said years ago, "You all just wait until I get older" because we really took it in as "no big deal" because she had little symptoms. She has tried many medications some good, some bad but nothing was a cure of course. At this point in her life and in my mine, it's sad to see your mom slowly move, shake without control, to have to talk slowly and really concentrate in what she does. My mom stays active and used to be able to workout everyday but now it's three days a week because her body isn't allowing her to function correctly. Her feet cramp, her legs move different, her body and mind are not in one accord. She isn't  the grandmother I imagined her to be or that she was in the past. She can't be active with my boys like she was with her first grand kids. My mom is limited due to Parkinson's disease.

2011, my mom has always supported me

We recently found out she had a lump in her breast. My first thought is how is that possible that doesn't happen to our family. I thought I'd never get breast cancer. I am being honest and that's what I thought. Yes is possible for anyone but for my genes stand point my family has not had breast cancer. This was so scary for us. It was scary because she is my mom, my children's Nani and she has a disease already that has weakened her body. I kept praying please God don't let it be cancer because I don't think she can make it through chemo.  I was sad.  As mother hen of the family this deeply stressed me out, been on my mind 24/7, and freaked me out! I only reached out to a handful of friends while asking the world of FB for prayers knowing I know some really kick butt prayer warriors on there!

God is faithful! After removal of the lump there was no cancer!!! Praise report!!! Woot! woot! Yes I said it...NO CANCER!!!!!
Thanks for the prayers.

So through the trial I have learned the following about my mom:

-Regardless of our past and my need to nurture and be mother hen, she is my mom. I love her and need her.

-My mom does not let anything get in her way of living. She won't let this or Parkinson's stop her from moving on and living everyday!

-She is strong, she loves the Lord


-She is an awesome Nani, she is a great mentor

-She loves my boys and can handle my twinados even if it's brief

-She has a connection with my Benjamin that I will never understand

-She  is inspiring, motivating, and loving

-She knows how to push my buttons and I hers.

-She may be limited but that doesn't stop her from living.

-She is alive, breathing, walking, talking and still can have some fun

-She is tiny, eats like a bird but orders the biggest most expensive meal.

-She is my biggest cheerleader in my journey and always there to support me!

-I didn't imagine our life in this direction but it's still be fun, blessed and much better!

-She is loved, she is lovely, she is my mom!


And in the words of my mom:
We have never been a rich family but our family is definitely blessed!

I love you mom, and through billions of trials between us from childhood to adulthood, through  the imagined life and reality life God built a strong bridge for us.  We are connected through this bridge as mother/daughter, as mothers together, as wives, as women and servants. God made us, blessed us and holds us!

Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together.—Psalm 34:3

Song in my heart today!

This song has been in my heart today along with another song as well. Hope you are having a blessed mid week! Sharing this song in hopes of it blessing you as much as it has blessed me!

A Matured Renewal

Been pretty good about staying away from some so much social media. I had a very "different" maybe even a bit stressful week. It was way off than the course I was intending on taking. We ate like kings and I think last two weeks we ate to many carbs. I feel gross, my husband feels gross and we don't like it nor the scale!! So as far as eating.......we are back to the basics which is great for me because we don't do big dinners, just easy stuff (shakes,salads,etc) We are passed the stage of cravings and more like cleanse me of these carbs Lord!

Speaking of cleansing this month has really continued to change me although I was a bit discouraged last week. My mother's health is in the Lord's hands. No she is not on her death bed. More info to come after some results are given this week. We believe in God's will and we will never give up but being on pins and needles is not easy. Please pray for my mom and her health.
Back to the cleansing being apart of an amazing parent bible study, getting into God's word, more prayers and attending a church that God has me at, all has really help cleanse me spiritually and help me feel renewed. Started attending a church to encourage my mom and sister's family to come since they like it there, never thought it would be my home.

I broke down in service holding my baby crying to God one service as I as singing praises to him and I said " God you have me here, renew me like a child Lord. I need you like when I was a teenager, Lord! My light has died down Lord and it's my fault but I need you to take that guard off my heart and let your light shine, let your love come through Lord! I need you! "  In that moment I felt free again.

I still felt blessed previously don't get me wrong and I may not have "serious" trials other may face but I was facing things like:
-Not full of God.....a feeling of my glass was almost empty
-a bit of depression due to stress, weight,
finances
-feeling like wasted space
-I am not a good enough mom
-anger/impatience

Slowly God has been changing me and my family. I feel renewed as a wife, mother and a women. I feel a mature renewal especially since I am older and wiser. Ha! I haven't felt this spiritual connected for years. I have been missing out. It's not that I haven't had a relationship with God it's just at a different level, a connection.....freedom....amazing!

So long story short cutting back on things that may seem part of me won't be easy but fulfilling God's plan for me will be worth it. What does that mean? It means I may not be  able to do things I am used to or love. Maybe it will be not going to every group exercise but will have to ride my bike, run, run in the back like today, make my own Zumba routine or could mean no more blogging or FB for awhile. It's about making changes so I can be more focused on God and on my family.  You may think duh, I  could have told you that or maybe you think I am making poor choices. What I do know is my heart feels renewed, my God has a hold of my life and I want to follow him. Who knows what God has planned but I do know I am going to be much more in prayer, family time, in doing his works.

On the main menu this week:
Woven-women's bible study
Parent bible study
Kid's instant lessons Th-Friday
Preschool, Speech, homeschool, community/school day for Ben
Football game, football practice
Exercise 5 days this week
Read the word, pray, another good book everyday
Clean house
Cook clean, cook easy
Continue to look for a part time job via at home
I know I have more on my plate but this is all I can think of at the moment ;)

Blessings and love to you all!
Oh I have to have Sundays last verse Jeremiah 29:11.........JUST DON'T GIVE UP!!

Holy Moly Donut Shop!

Holy Moly Donut Shop! If you know the Friday movies than you know this saying. Not Friday the 13th but Friday with Ice Cube. Hahaaaa! Well Holy Moly it's been almost a month from keeping you updated!!! Well there is alot going on right now in my life! Here are a few things:
1. Flag football in which my husband coaches....Go Oregon Ducks!!!
2. Homeschooling Ben and we are loving it except Math! Haha!
3. I won third place in the Posh movement but was happy because I didn't think I was going to win! 39 inches gone 5 lbs down!
4. My husband and I have been attending a Parent bible study called, Loving on Purpose.
5. I joined a new Challenge with our local gym Thrive and can't wait to get started on that!
6. I keep myself busy by doing a 30 day streaking challenge with some friends! Getting in 30 miles at least in 30 days! Streaking!!! Thanks Melissa V for inspiring me!

So that is 6 things that keep me busy but not everything.
I have two whirlwinds and a slow snail 7 year old.
With everything going on in my life I will try to blog when possible, it does keep me off other social media sites. It's so addiciting to sit there and live our lives from the internet. To think personal visits are almost gone since I can see pictures, your meals, your check-ins it's almost like I am with all my friends all over the world! It can be a good thing and a bad thing for me.  In order to grow into the parent I need to be and that my bible study had been teaching me I will be cutting back like a drug habit slowly at social media. I need to be more present.  I have a family to raise, I have a life to live, I have a beautiful trail right in front of my windows and as I gaze afar right now the leaves are slowly falling, they are changing colors and the fall breeze is coming. Those are the moments I want remember. Not someones check-in. I want to remember cleaning up 15 minutes before Dad gets home and all the boys work together to clean and when dad walks in it smells clean and he comes home to a peaceful household. I want to remember my naked twins hugging and them giggling!

So my goal to finish off this amazing year is to live my life to the fullest! Live to experience something new! Take a new breathe of air each day! The bible says Let everything that has breath praise the LORD. Praise the LORD!!! Psalm 150:6

Yes life is not perfect there are some personal things I am battling and my family is battling but I am still going to praise him! He didn't and still doesn't give up me when I fail or have fallen! 

I plan to focus on being the best parent/wife God had made me to be which is making me change me all the way around and will also continue to focus on my health. I can't wait for this rest of the year...oh one last thing although I can use prayer in other areas with my family and I..... the one I would like to ask you all to pray for me is that I find a part time job or full time that I can work from home. I have been out of work for almost 3 years now it's time to start from home. Thank you!

I am using this verse again because it's what has really been placed in my heart this week!

I got a makeover because I won!! Thanks Posh Salon in Madera!

Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Psalm 51:10-12

Bike trials not bike trails

So I know I am not alone but when is the last time you road a bike? 

For me it's been well over 15 yrs. I purchased a bike trailer/stroller for my boys recently and decided it was time for a bike. I have seen all people of shapes and sizes on bikes on the trail so I thought it's as simple as riding a bike right? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

First, I had to get a girls bike because I am so short but when I got home it was so hard!!! Riding a bike is not easy and being overweight is not easy!!! Both combined well that's a whole different "scale".  I was so scared and couldn't get going. I couldn't grasp the pedals and it was even midnight so no one was around and I gave up! I was sweating, trying my best and hurting my legs while I was at. I went back to Walmart and returned the girls mountain bike. Fail!!!!

The next day, I decided I can't give up so I surfed the web for what bikes are best of overweight people and most sites said a beach cruiser. I was afraid to purchase another bike and fail but I decided to do it anyways, I had that bike trailer and had to use it other than a jogging stroller! My bike came in less than a week and when my husband went to pick it up he said "I am on my way so be ready to go for a bike ride." Which means is you bought this bike, I picked it up and so let's do this! My husband wasn't going to listen to any of my excuses so I decided to pray and ask God to help!

As he locked the trailer on his bike I had the privilege of practicing riding in front of my busy street as everyone watched. Not a pretty thing but this overweight gal sucked her gut in......I am mean her pride in and focused on the bike and I finally did it!! I have to say that the saying "It's as easy as riding a bike" is false!   Sorry riding is bike is far from easy!!! We went for a ride for two miles on our trail and I made it!

Before the hell ride

During the week to come I went up to 3 miles on a street route which was scary. Maybe it's because it was dark and late! But also I am not quite use to traffic yet. 

 Just recently conquered another bike fear which was pulling 65 plus pounds of twinados behind my bike.

After the ride, hanging out with no electricity

Why did I chose it on crazy weather day I will never know. We went for 3.5 miles and headed on the trail for two miles and I saw the lightening but was thinking what the heck lets go for another mile or so. I headed south from the trail and that's when the wind started picking up really bad. I had to pull over and cover up my babies so dirt and leaves would stop getting in their eyes. I turned right and headed west after the wind storm hit and thought okay we need to hurry as I felt the drops come on my face. Shish what did I get myself and my boys into.  Next thing after the drops the wind help me proceed west but here comes my north turn before hitting my street and that was okay just a bit windy but THAN it was heading east towards home now!!! I swear the wind was my enemy, the force was pulling me back and it was so strong!!! I had to push and push and thought I had to get my babies home. It almost felt like slow motion because I was peddling so slow because the wind was holding me down. It was awful, I wanted to quit and give up but I saw my husband from afar whom just got home from his second job so I peddled and keep thinking I was Dorothy because the storm felt just like she went through the storm and struggling to get home before the tornado hit in the first part of Wizard of OZ. My husband was my Auntie Em looking for me, but he wasn't really.  It was the hardest pull on my way home but I made it and some of my neighbors saw me because thanks for the humid wonderful summer storm my lights were out!! Well I did it!! I am happy!

Lightening! It went straight down and sideways!

In closing I just wanted to let you know with everything going on in my life homeschooling, reorganizing, getting healthy I am afraid I can't commit to blogging everyday! Family first and my health. I had a bit of a health scare last week and really took a breather from everything to see where my stress was coming from. God is my healer and I know his hand is upon me. This week I am more focused to overcome my bumps from last week and I know I will overcome!






Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you
1 Peter 5:7