Freedom in 2014

I say this often.......I haven't blogged in a while. Well today I am taking some time to blog and share. Some people do and don't like that I share so much but I am an open book. What you see is what you get. I am not a private person because I believe my blessings, my trials, my strengths and my weakness can help someone not feel so alone, feel that there is no perfect person except for Jesus and that I am real, imperfect, but still ready to take on a new day! So far this year I have taken some time to reevaluate my life. It has not been easy because for quite a few months I have felt defeated. Maybe some of my standards are set to high or maybe I needed to just breathe. I felt defeated because of:

1. Financial hardship: I have been home not working for three years now and they have been some of the best years for my marriage and my family ever but with this particular past year we have endured some heavy financial hardships that have been stressful for me. It has not put a damper on my marriage but actually made us grow closer to God and each other knowing that we are in it together. Money is not worth fighting over neither is debt. This subject is not easy to talk about for anyone. I had my home business that didn't work out for the best interest of my family and a one income household for three boys that eat us out of the house is not easy. But this year even if we don't get to go to Disneyland even once we will endure this trial walking together, we will pray with perseverance knowing God is in control and we will rehab and take baby steps to our financial freedom!

2. Motherhood: Being a mother is not a breeze, being a mother of twins with a total of three boys is never easy! Homeschooling on top of that is fireworks exploding in the brain status! Twins feed on off each other so correcting bad behavior is not easy. Communication has become easier recently with my twins because there words have become many. My boys go to speech because they had their own "twin" language so they have speech delay. Now you can have a conversation with them though at times it breaks my heart when I can't understand a word or we can't communicate correctly with each other. Those moments are hard. With this said sometimes I just don't feel I have been the best mom God created me to be. I think I yell too much , my patience is on level 2 (1-10), I feel the need for control, I am to laid back, I am too demanding and so on and so on. I can be critical all day about my motherly standards. This year I am going to take a step back, enjoy every smile and every laughter I hear, take some time with each of my boys one on one, I want to talk more yell less, I want to take a breathe and think before screaming like a monster, I am going to play more, laugh and smile more and I am going to gobble every moment up in my heart! Don't get me wrong I am not the worse mom but being the best mom is what I pray to be. Not of perfection but of love.  Is it easy to admit you love your kids, are active with them but still absent at times NO!!! Is it easy to admit that the mom monster comes out from time to times...NO!!! I do it because I am not perfect I am only human and God granted me to  permission to raise these beautiful boys and I will do it to the best of my ability!

3. Outside of me and Stress: Stress is a big factor in my life. Stress of Life in general is something I haven't prayed for that often. When I stress about anything I normally turn to food thus am a stress eater. It's an addiction just like any other, can be quite dangerous and it's not illegal!  With stress comes weight gain and no matter what anyone says, this is my battle and  this is how I deal! No one will have a solution to my problem, you may think you do but it's MY battle. Everyone has battles and some same as mine so....My solution? Prayer, Prayer, Prayer. I am not going to turn to food but I am going to turn to my God and pray with endurance! Do I like weight gain? NO! Do I like Stress? NO! I will have FREEDOM from both of these, why? Because God says .....In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. (Romans 8:37)

So those are three reasons out of a few I felt defeated.  God has really used the book of Galatians to speak to me this year. To reevaluate my life and really focus on Freedom! Focus on rehabbing me and taking baby steps to who he made me too be! A servant, a wife, a mother, and a friend!

I can babble on forever but God is already working in my life to overcome some of my defeats and every piece of FREEDOM I have in HIM makes me leap with joy!!!! Do I have goals in 2014 in place? Yes! but............ It really comes down to taking care of my mind, body and spirit!  

Today I feel don't feel defeated and am feeling great even though the day is just passing me by with the time change, I have laundry piled up, bills that need to be paid and I have naked kids running around but hey I don't feel defeated!!!! I got this! Like I said Galatians has been speaking to me and these verses are def. some of my favorite!Gal. 6:9-10 Join me in Freedom 2014!!!

P.s. I love through all our failures, faults, imperfections God continues to use us. This old song by Rev. Milton Brunson comes to mind, one of my favorites:
You gave me my hands, to reach out to man
To show him Your love and Your perfect plan
You gave me my ears, I can hear your voice so clear. I can hear the cries of sinners, but can I wipe away their tears.
 You gave my voice, to speak Your words
To sing all Your praises, to those who never heard. But with my eyes I see a need for more availability. I see hearts that have been broken, so many people to be free.

Chorus:
Lord, I'm available to you, my will I give to you
I 'll do what you say do, use me Lord.
To show someone the way and enable me to say. My storage is empty and I am available to you.

 Now I'm giving back to you, all the tools you gave to me.
My hands, my ears, my voice, my eyes, so You can use them as You please. I have emptied out my cup, so that You can fill it up.
Now I'm free, I just want to be more available to You!